Apologia

Is it thy will that I should wax and wane,
Barter my cloth of gold for hidden grey,
And at thy pleasure weave that web of pain
Whose brightest threads are each a wasted day?

Is it thy will—Love that I love so well—
That my Soul’s House should be a tortured spot
Wherein, like evil paramours, must dwell
The quenchless flame, the worm that dies not?

Nay, if it be thy will I shall endure,
And sell ambition at the common mart,
And let dull failure be my vestiture,
And sorrow dig its grave within my heart.

Perchance it may be better so—at least
I have not made my heart a heart of stone,
Nor starved my boyhood of its goodly feast,
Nor walked where Beauty is a thing unknown.

Many a man hath done so; sought to fence
In straitened bonds the soul that should be free,
Trodden the dusty road of common sense,
While all the forest sang of liberty,

Not marking how the spotted hawk in flight
Passed on wide pinion through the lofty air,
To where the steep untrodden mountain height
Caught the last tresses of the Sun God’s hair.

Or how the little flower he trod upon,
The daisy, that white‑feathered shield of gold,
Followed with wistful eyes the wandering sun
Content if once its leaves were aureoled.

But surely it is something to have been
The best beloved for a little while,
To have walked hand in hand with Love, and seen
His purple wings flit once across thy smile.

Ay! though the gorged asp of passion feed
On my boy’s heart, yet have I burst the bars,
Stood face to face with Beauty, known indeed
The Love which moves the Sun and all the stars!

Welcome, poetry explorers, to a fascinating journey into the heart of “Apologia,” a poem often attributed to the brilliant Oscar Wilde. While its official inclusion in his collected works remains a subject of scholarly discussion, its powerful themes and exquisite language resonate deeply with his distinctive style. This article offers a comprehensive guide to understanding “Apologia,” exploring its summary, central ideas, and the rich tapestry of literary and poetic devices that make it such a compelling read.

Unveiling “Apologia”: A Journey of Love and Choice

The poem “Apologia” presents a profound exploration of love, sacrifice, and the choices one makes in life. It delves into the speaker’s internal conflict, weighing the potential pain and diminished existence that love might bring against the alternative of a life lived without passion and beauty. The title itself, “Apologia,” suggests a defense or justification, hinting at the speaker’s ultimate stance on these complex matters.

The Heart of “Apologia”: A Summary

At its core, “Apologia” is a dramatic monologue where the speaker addresses an unnamed “Love.” The poem opens with a series of rhetorical questions, questioning whether this love demands a life of suffering and sacrifice. The speaker contemplates a future where ambition is sold, failure is embraced, and sorrow becomes a constant companion, all for the sake of love’s affection.

However, the poem shifts from resignation to a powerful declaration of defiance. The speaker asserts that even if love brings pain, it is preferable to a life devoid of feeling and experience. A stark contrast is drawn between those who choose a path of “common sense” and conformity, missing the vibrant beauty and freedom of the natural world, and the speaker’s own choice to embrace passion, beauty, and a love that transcends ordinary existence. The poem ultimately celebrates the profound fulfillment found in experiencing love and beauty fully, even if it comes with a cost.

Central Themes Explored in “Apologia”

• Love and Sacrifice: The poem grapples with the idea that profound love often demands personal sacrifice and can lead to suffering. The speaker’s willingness to “barter my cloth of gold for hidden grey” illustrates this potential cost.
• Conformity versus Freedom: A significant theme is the contrast between a life lived according to societal expectations (“the dusty road of common sense”) and a life lived with freedom, passion, and an appreciation for beauty (“all the forest sang of liberty”).
• The Value of Experience and Emotion: The speaker champions a life rich in experience and deep emotion, arguing that even painful passion is more valuable than a heart hardened by prudence or a life starved of its “goodly feast.”
• Beauty and Nature: Nature serves as a powerful symbol of freedom, joy, and unadulterated beauty. The “spotted hawk in flight” and the “little flower” highlight the wonders missed by those who choose a constrained existence.

A Deep Dive into “Apologia”: Literary Craftsmanship

“Apologia” is a masterclass in poetic expression, employing a rich array of literary and poetic devices to convey its profound message. Let us explore how these elements contribute to the poem’s enduring power.

The Speaker’s Voice: Rhetoric and Emotion

The poem immediately draws the reader into the speaker’s emotional world through its direct address and questioning nature.

• Rhetorical Questions: The opening stanzas are dominated by rhetorical questions, which serve to engage the reader and highlight the speaker’s internal struggle. These questions are not meant to be answered but to provoke thought and emphasize the speaker’s dilemma.
  

  Is it thy will that I should wax and wane,
  Barter my cloth of gold for hidden grey,
  And at thy pleasure weave that web of pain
  Whose brightest threads are each a wasted day?

  Is it thy will—Love that I love so well—
  That my Soul’s House should be a tortured spot…

  The repetition of “Is it thy will” at the beginning of the first two stanzas is a powerful example of Anaphora, creating a strong, insistent rhythm that underscores the speaker’s plea and questioning.

• Tone: The tone of “Apologia” evolves throughout the poem. It begins with a questioning, almost resigned tone in the face of potential suffering, shifts to a contemplative and defensive stance, and ultimately culminates in a triumphant and accepting tone, celebrating the choice to embrace love and beauty fully.

Crafting Imagery and Symbolism

The poem is rich with vivid imagery and potent symbolism, painting clear pictures in the reader’s mind and adding layers of meaning.

• Imagery: Sensory details create strong visual and emotional impacts.
  

  Barter my cloth of gold for hidden grey,

  This line creates a striking image of exchanging something precious and vibrant for something dull and concealed, representing a loss of vitality. Other examples include “tortured spot,” “dusty road of common sense,” and “spotted hawk in flight.”

• Metaphor: Complex ideas are illuminated through direct comparison.
  

  And at thy pleasure weave that web of pain
  Whose brightest threads are each a wasted day?

  Here, suffering in love is directly compared to a “web of pain,” suggesting entrapment and intricate, pervasive discomfort.

• Symbolism: Objects and concepts represent deeper meanings.
  • The “cloth of gold” symbolizes a life of richness, potential, and vibrancy, while “hidden grey” represents a diminished, joyless existence.
  • The “forest” and the “spotted hawk” symbolize freedom, wildness, and a life lived unbound by conventional constraints.
  • The “daisy, that white‑feathered shield of gold,” symbolizes innocence, simple beauty, and contentment found in natural observation.
• Allusion: A subtle reference to a well-known person, place, event, or literary work.
  

  Caught the last tresses of the Sun God’s hair.

  This line contains an allusion to classical mythology, evoking images of celestial beauty and divine power, suggesting a grandeur beyond ordinary human experience.

Sound and Structure: The Music of the Poem

The poem’s structure and sound devices contribute significantly to its musicality and emotional impact.

• Quatrains and Rhyme Scheme: “Apologia” is primarily composed of quatrains, stanzas of four lines. The poem consistently employs an ABAB end rhyme scheme, which gives it a lyrical quality and a sense of order, even when discussing emotional turmoil.
  

  Is it thy will that I should wax and wane,
  Barter my cloth of gold for hidden grey,
  And at thy pleasure weave that web of pain
  Whose brightest threads are each a wasted day?

  Here, “wane” rhymes with “pain” (A), and “grey” rhymes with “day” (B), creating a pleasing and predictable musicality.

• Alliteration: The repetition of initial consonant sounds adds emphasis and rhythm.
  

  The best beloved for a little while,

  The repeated ‘b’ sound in “best beloved” draws attention to the intensity of the speaker’s affection. Another example is “spotted hawk in flight.”

• Assonance: The repetition of vowel sounds within words creates a sense of internal rhyme and musicality.
  

  Is it thy will that I should wax and wane,

  The repeated short ‘a’ sound in “wax and wane” creates a subtle, flowing sound.

• Consonance: The repetition of consonant sounds within or at the end of words, often creating a sense of texture or rhythm.
  

  Ay! though the gorged asp of passion feed
  On my boy’s heart, yet have I burst the bars,

  The repeated ‘s’ sounds in “asp,” “passion,” “burst,” and “bars” create a hissing, almost ominous effect, mirroring the “gorged asp.”

• Diction: The poem’s word choice is formal, elevated, and contemplative, reflecting the serious and profound nature of its themes. Words like “barter,” “vestiture,” “perchance,” and “aureoled” contribute to its sophisticated and reflective tone.

Personification and Vivid Comparisons

The poem brings abstract concepts to life and uses striking comparisons to deepen its meaning.

• Personification: Giving human qualities or actions to inanimate objects or abstract ideas.
  

  While all the forest sang of liberty,

  The image of the “forest sang” vividly conveys the vibrant, joyful freedom that contrasts with a life of constraint. Similarly, “sorrow dig its grave within my heart” personifies sorrow as an active entity.

• Simile: A comparison between two unlike things using “like” or “as.”
  

  Wherein, like evil paramours, must dwell
  The quenchless flame, the worm that dies not?

  This powerful simile compares tormenting emotions and suffering to “evil paramours,” suggesting deceitful, destructive, and inescapable companions.

The Enduring Message of “Apologia”

“Apologia” culminates in a powerful declaration of the speaker’s choice to embrace a life of profound experience. Despite the potential for pain, the speaker finds immense value in having loved deeply and encountered true beauty. The poem’s final stanza serves as a triumphant affirmation:

Ay! though the gorged asp of passion feed
On my boy’s heart, yet have I burst the bars,
Stood face to face with Beauty, known indeed
The Love which moves the Sun and all the stars!

This concluding statement encapsulates the poem’s central idea: the speaker’s “apologia” or defense is for a life lived fully, passionately, and in pursuit of beauty and love, even if it means enduring suffering. It is a testament to the liberating power of experience and the profound fulfillment found in connecting with a love that is as vast and eternal as the cosmos itself. “Apologia” invites readers to consider their own choices, urging them to seek out the beauty and passion in life, rather than settling for a path of cautious conformity.