The More Loving One
By W. H. Auden
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
Understanding “The More Loving One”
“The More Loving One” is a deceptively simple poem by W. H. Auden, first published in 1957. It explores the complex emotions surrounding unrequited love, not in a sentimental way but with a philosophical and almost detached observation. The poem isn’t about receiving love, but about the agency and nobility of giving it, even—especially—when it isn’t returned. The poem’s enduring appeal stems from its exploration of a universal human experience and its refusal to succumb to easy emotional resolution.
What is the Poem About?
At its core, “The More Loving One” contemplates the nature of affection and the possibility of loving beyond reciprocity. The speaker, observing the indifference of the stars, draws a parallel to human relationships, suggesting that indifference is often more tolerable than a lack of feeling. The central idea revolves around a conscious choice: to embrace loving fully, even in the face of unreturned affection, and to find dignity in that act of giving.
Key Takeaways
- Unrequited Love as a Choice: The poem doesn’t lament unreturned love, but rather presents it as a situation where one can choose to be the more loving party.
- Agency in Affection: The speaker asserts a degree of control over their emotions, deciding to love regardless of the other’s response.
- Finding Value in Giving: The poem suggests that the act of loving itself is valuable, even if it isn’t mirrored by the object of affection.
In-Depth Analysis of “The More Loving One”
Let’s delve deeper into each stanza, examining the poem’s layers of meaning and the literary techniques Auden employs.
Stanza 1: Indifference and Dread
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
Auden immediately establishes a fascinating contrast. The stars, immense and distant, represent complete indifference. The speaker acknowledges this with a wry acceptance (“for all they care, I can go to hell”). He suggests that indifference from earthly beings is paradoxically more frightening. Indifference implies a lack of connection, a denial of our very humanity. It is a rejection of potential relationships and a severing of bonds. The phrase “least we have to dread” is key. It is not saying indifference is good, but that it is less damaging than active malice or hostility. A slight acknowledgement is preferable to being ignored completely.
Stanza 2: The Hypothetical Passion
How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
This stanza poses a crucial hypothetical. The speaker flips the script, imagining a scenario where the stars lavish affection upon us, affection we are unable to reciprocate. This parallels unrequited love on earth. The rhetorical question (“How should we like it…?”) forces us to consider the discomfort and imbalance of such a situation. The final couplet is the poem’s core statement. It is not a lament, but a deliberate choice. “Let the more loving one be me” is an assertion of agency. The speaker chooses to embrace the role of the giver, even if it means loving without return. This is not self‑pity, but a kind of noble resignation.
Stanza 3: Admiring Distance
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
This stanza introduces self‑awareness and a surprising honesty. The speaker admits to admiring the stars precisely because they are indifferent. This is a sophisticated observation. There is freedom in loving something that does not demand anything in return. However, the final line reveals a subtle vulnerability. While the speaker maintains a detached facade, he confesses that he hasn’t intensely missed any particular star. This suggests a certain emotional distance and perhaps a quiet longing for a more reciprocal connection. It is a moment of truth—the speaker is not immune to the pain of unreturned affection, but chooses to manage it.
Stanza 4: Acceptance and Time
Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
The final stanza presents a powerful image of acceptance. The complete loss of the stars, a symbol of all love, would be devastating. The speaker declares he would “learn” to find beauty in the emptiness, to appreciate the “total dark sublime.” This is not a denial of grief but a recognition that even in loss, there is potential for growth and appreciation. The caveat, “though this might take me a little time,” is crucial. It acknowledges the reality of human emotion. Acceptance is not instantaneous; it requires time and effort. It is a realistic portrayal of the process of healing and adaptation.
Literary and Poetic Devices
Auden’s poem is masterfully crafted, employing a variety of literary and poetic devices to enhance its meaning and impact.
- Metaphor: The stars serve as a central metaphor for the object of affection, representing something distant, indifferent, and ultimately unattainable.
- Rhetorical Question: The question in stanza 2 (“How should we like it…?”) is not meant to be answered but to provoke thought.
- Understatement: The seemingly simple language and understated tone create a sense of emotional restraint.
- Allusion: The poem subtly alludes to philosophical concepts of love and acceptance.
- Simple Diction: The use of plain language makes the poem accessible, yet its underlying themes are complex.
- AABB Rhyme Scheme: The consistent rhyme scheme creates a sense of order and control.
- Regular Meter: The poem follows a fairly regular metrical pattern, contributing to its musicality.
Concluding Thoughts
“The More Loving One” is a poem that resonates deeply because it tackles the complexities of love with honesty and maturity. It’s not a sentimental plea for reciprocation but a philosophical exploration of agency and acceptance. Auden does not offer easy answers but invites us to consider the nobility of loving fully, even—and perhaps especially—when it is not returned. The poem’s enduring power lies in its ability to speak to the universal human experience of love, loss, and the choices we make in the face of them.