The More Loving One

The More Loving One

By W. H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

Unlocking the Wisdom of ‘The More Loving One’

Welcome, curious minds, to a journey into one of W. H. Auden’s most thought-provoking poems, “The More Loving One.” Published in 1957, this piece might seem straightforward at first glance, but it holds profound insights into the nature of love, acceptance, and human emotion. It delves into the intricate feelings surrounding affection that might not be returned, not with sadness or complaint, but with a deep, philosophical observation. This poem beautifully explores the power and dignity found in the act of giving love, even when it is not reciprocated. Its lasting appeal comes from its exploration of a truly universal human experience and its courageous refusal to offer simple emotional answers.

Exploring the Core Message of ‘The More Loving One’

At its heart, “The More Loving One” invites us to ponder the very essence of affection and the profound possibility of extending love without expecting anything in return. The poem’s speaker begins by observing the vast, impersonal indifference of the stars, drawing a fascinating comparison to our own human connections. It suggests that sometimes, the simple absence of feeling, or indifference, can be less painful than active dislike or a forced, unreciprocated passion.

The central idea that shines through this poem is about making a conscious, powerful choice. It is the decision to embrace loving fully and completely, even when that affection is not returned, and to discover a deep sense of dignity and strength in that very act of giving. This poem teaches us that there is profound value in the act of loving itself, independent of the response it receives.

In-Depth Analysis of ‘The More Loving One’

Let us now delve deeper into each stanza, examining the poem’s layers of meaning and the masterful literary techniques Auden employs to convey his message.

Stanza 1: The Paradox of Indifference

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

Our journey into the poem begins with a striking observation about the stars. The speaker looks up and immediately recognizes their vast, cosmic indifference. Notice the blunt honesty in the lines:

That, for all they care, I can go to hell,

This vivid image establishes the stars as symbols of complete detachment. They are beautiful, immense, yet utterly unconcerned with human fate. However, the poem quickly pivots to a profound contrast. The speaker suggests that on Earth, indifference from other living beings is actually “the least we have to dread.” This is a powerful paradox. While the stars’ indifference is absolute, it is also harmless. From “man or beast,” however, indifference can feel like a profound rejection, a lack of connection that can be more unsettling than even outright hostility. It implies a void where connection could be, making it a subtle but significant source of apprehension.

Stanza 2: The Noble Choice

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Here, the poem introduces a brilliant hypothetical situation. The speaker asks us to imagine the tables turned:

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?

This rhetorical question is not meant to be answered aloud, but to make us deeply consider the discomfort and imbalance of receiving overwhelming affection that we simply cannot give back. It perfectly mirrors the experience of being the object of unrequited love. The stanza then delivers the poem’s most famous and powerful declaration:

If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

This is not a cry of despair or a lament. Instead, it is a conscious, deliberate choice, an assertion of profound personal agency. The speaker chooses to be the one who loves more, finding strength and dignity in the act of giving affection, even when it is not reciprocated. This line embodies a kind of noble acceptance, transforming a potentially painful situation into an act of self-empowerment.

Stanza 3: Admiration and Subtle Longing

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

This stanza offers a moment of striking self-awareness and honesty. The speaker acknowledges an admiration for the stars, specifically because of their indifference:

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,

This is a sophisticated insight. There can be a certain freedom in appreciating something that asks nothing of you, something that is entirely self-contained. It allows for a detached, perhaps safer, form of affection. However, the final two lines introduce a subtle, yet profound, vulnerability:

I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

While the speaker embraces the role of the “more loving one,” this confession reveals that this chosen path also comes with a degree of emotional distance. It suggests that while the speaker can admire from afar, the deepest, most personal longing for a specific, reciprocal connection might still be present, even if unacknowledged or unfulfilled. It is a quiet admission that the absence of a truly missed connection is also a form of absence.

Stanza 4: Acceptance and the Passage of Time

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

The poem concludes with a powerful image of ultimate acceptance and resilience. The speaker contemplates the hypothetical disappearance of all the stars, a profound loss that could symbolize the complete absence of any object of affection or even hope. Yet, the response is not despair, but a declaration of adaptability:

I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,

This suggests a capacity to find beauty and even grandeur, “sublime,” in emptiness and loss. It is not a denial of potential grief, but a profound recognition that even in the face of immense absence, there is potential for growth, new perspectives, and a different kind of appreciation. The final line offers a crucial touch of human realism:

Though this might take me a little time.

This gentle caveat acknowledges that acceptance is rarely instantaneous. It is a process, requiring patience, effort, and the passage of time. This honest admission grounds the poem’s philosophical strength in relatable human experience, making its message of resilience even more poignant and true.

Unpacking Auden’s Craft: Literary and Poetic Devices

W. H. Auden was a master craftsman, and “The More Loving One” showcases his skill through a variety of literary and poetic devices that enrich its meaning and impact. Let us explore some of these: