Hanging Fire
by Audre Lorde
I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still sucks his thumb
in secret
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if I die
before morning
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I die before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth about me
There is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
wearing braces
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough
to grow up
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.
Exploring “Hanging Fire”: A Journey Through Adolescent Thought
Welcome, curious minds, to a fascinating exploration of Audre Lorde’s powerful poem, “Hanging Fire.” This poem offers a vivid glimpse into the mind of a fourteen-year-old, capturing the whirlwind of emotions, anxieties, and observations that define adolescence. It is a piece that resonates deeply, inviting readers to recall their own moments of uncertainty and longing. Let us delve into its layers and discover the profound insights it holds.
What is “Hanging Fire” About? A Summary
“Hanging Fire” presents a stream of consciousness from a young speaker grappling with the complexities of growing up. The poem is not a story with a clear plot, but rather a collection of fragmented thoughts, fears, and questions that reveal the speaker’s internal world. These thoughts range from everyday teenage concerns, such as appearance and social acceptance, to deeper existential anxieties about mortality and identity. The central idea of the poem revolves around feelings of isolation, vulnerability, and the overwhelming nature of transitioning from childhood to adulthood, all underscored by a profound sense of maternal distance.
The Significance of the Title: “Hanging Fire”
The title itself, “Hanging Fire,” is a crucial element for understanding the poem’s core message. In its literal sense, “hanging fire” refers to a situation where a firearm’s charge ignites but the projectile does not immediately fire, creating a dangerous and uncertain delay. In the context of the poem, this phrase brilliantly symbolizes the speaker’s state of being. Her anxieties, questions, and unfulfilled desires are like unexploded shells, suspended in time, creating a palpable tension and a sense of unresolved anticipation. The speaker feels caught in a limbo, waiting for life to truly begin, yet burdened by fears and a lack of support.
An In-Depth Analysis of Audre Lorde’s “Hanging Fire”
Let us now embark on a stanza-by-stanza journey through the poem, uncovering the intricate details and emotional depth woven into each line.
Stanza One: The Dawn of Self-Consciousness and Existential Dread
The poem opens with an immediate declaration of age, “I am fourteen,” instantly placing the reader in the world of adolescence. This is swiftly followed by a striking image of self-betrayal: “and my skin has betrayed me.” This line goes beyond mere physical insecurity; it suggests a deeper discomfort with one’s own identity and appearance, perhaps hinting at the racial self-consciousness that can accompany growing up. The speaker then shifts to a common teenage preoccupation, an unrequited crush, noting that “the boy I cannot live without / still sucks his thumb / in secret.” This juxtaposition highlights the speaker’s burgeoning emotional maturity against the immaturity of her romantic interest, creating a sense of disillusionment and isolation. The seemingly trivial concern about “how come my knees are / always so ashy” is placed alongside a profound existential fear: “what if I die / before morning.” This rapid shift between superficial worries and deep anxieties perfectly captures the chaotic and often contradictory thought processes of a young person. The stanza, and indeed every stanza, concludes with the haunting refrain: “and momma’s in the bedroom / with the door closed.” This repeated line powerfully symbolizes the emotional distance and lack of maternal comfort or understanding, leaving the speaker to navigate her turbulent inner world alone.
Stanza Two: Social Pressures and the Search for Authenticity
The second stanza delves into the social pressures and internal conflicts faced by the speaker. The need to conform is evident in the line, “I have to learn how to dance / in time for the next party,” which represents the external expectations to fit in and perform for others. The feeling of being confined or outgrowing her current stage of life is expressed through, “my room is too small for me.” The speaker again contemplates mortality, imagining her own funeral with “sad melodies,” but also expressing a poignant desire for truth and recognition: “but finally / tell the truth about me.” This reveals a longing to be truly seen and understood, even if it is only after her death. The paradox of adolescent experience is perfectly encapsulated in the lines: “There is nothing I want to do / and too much / that has to be done.” This reflects a common feeling of apathy combined with an overwhelming sense of obligation, creating a profound sense of being trapped. Once more, the stanza ends with the poignant reminder of the speaker’s isolation: “and momma’s in the bedroom / with the door closed.”
Stanza Three: Invisibility, Injustice, and the Fear of the Future
The final stanza amplifies the speaker’s feelings of invisibility and unfairness. She laments, “Nobody even stops to think / about my side of it,” highlighting a deep sense of being misunderstood and unheard. A specific instance of injustice is recalled with, “I should have been on Math Team / my marks were better than his,” which could suggest overlooked talent, perhaps due to gender bias or other societal expectations. The seemingly mundane complaint, “why do I have to be / the one / wearing braces,” transcends simple vanity. It symbolizes feeling singled out, awkward, and subjected to uncomfortable changes, further contributing to her self-consciousness. The immediate, practical worry of “I have nothing to wear tomorrow” is swiftly followed by another profound question about her future and survival: “will I live long enough / to grow up.” This oscillation between trivial and profound concerns underscores the speaker’s fragmented and anxious state of mind. The poem concludes with its powerful and melancholic refrain, “and momma’s in the bedroom / with the door closed,” solidifying the theme of enduring emotional distance and the speaker’s solitary struggle.
Literary Devices in “Hanging Fire”
Audre Lorde masterfully employs various literary devices to enrich the poem’s meaning and emotional impact. Understanding these tools helps us appreciate the depth of her artistry.
- Juxtaposition: This is the placement of two contrasting ideas or images side by side to highlight their differences. Lorde frequently uses this, for instance, placing the boy’s thumb-sucking next to the speaker’s intense romantic feelings, or the concern about ashy knees next to the fear of death. This technique emphasizes the chaotic and contradictory nature of adolescent thought.
- Rhetorical Questions: The poem is filled with questions that the speaker poses not to receive an answer, but to express her anxieties and frustrations. Examples include, “how come my knees are / always so ashy” and “why do I have to be / the one / wearing braces.” These questions draw the reader into the speaker’s internal monologue and highlight her feeling of being unheard.
- Imagery: Lorde uses vivid and sensory language to create strong mental pictures and evoke emotions. Phrases like “my skin has betrayed me” and “ashy knees” create a powerful sense of vulnerability and self-consciousness. The image of “momma’s in the bedroom / with the door closed” is particularly potent, symbolizing isolation.
- Symbolism: A symbol is an object or idea that represents something else. The most prominent symbol is the “closed door” of the mother’s bedroom, which represents emotional unavailability, lack of communication, and the speaker’s profound sense of isolation. The title “Hanging Fire” itself is symbolic of unresolved tension and a state of suspended animation.
- Irony: There is a subtle irony in the poem’s portrayal of adolescence. The speaker’s profound existential fears and desires for authenticity are often juxtaposed with seemingly trivial concerns about appearance or social events, highlighting the complex and sometimes contradictory nature of teenage worries.
Poetic Devices in “Hanging Fire”
Beyond literary devices that shape meaning, poetic devices contribute to the poem’s structure, sound, and rhythm.
- Free Verse: “Hanging Fire” is written in free verse, meaning it does not adhere to a strict rhyme scheme or metrical pattern. This allows the language to flow naturally, mimicking the spontaneous, uninhibited nature of the speaker’s thoughts and feelings. The absence of a rigid structure enhances the sense of raw honesty.
- Enjambment: This device involves the continuation of a sentence or phrase from one line of poetry to the next without a pause or punctuation. For example, “what if I die / before morning” or “will I live long enough / to grow up.” Enjambment creates a sense of urgency, breathlessness, and continuity, mirroring the speaker’s racing thoughts and anxieties.
- Refrain: A refrain is a line or phrase that is repeated at intervals throughout a poem, often at the end of stanzas. The line, “and momma’s in the bedroom / with the door closed,” serves as a powerful refrain. Its repetition emphasizes the theme of maternal absence and the speaker’s persistent feeling of being alone, creating a haunting and memorable effect.
- Anaphora: While not as dominant as the refrain, there are instances of anaphora, the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses or lines. The repeated “I” at the start of many lines reinforces the first-person perspective and the speaker’s intense focus on her own internal experience.
The Enduring Resonance of “Hanging Fire”
Audre Lorde’s “Hanging Fire” remains a profoundly moving and relevant poem. Its honest portrayal of adolescent anxieties, the search for identity, and the pain of emotional isolation speaks to readers across generations. Through its raw emotion and skillful use of literary and poetic devices, the poem captures the universal experience of growing up, reminding us of the delicate balance between vulnerability and resilience. It is a testament to Lorde’s ability to articulate the unspoken fears and desires that shape our formative years, making it a truly unforgettable piece of literature.