Hanging Fire
by Audre Lorde
I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still sucks his thumb
in secret
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if I die
before morning
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I die before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth about me
There is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
wearing braces
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough
to grow up
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.
Understanding “Hanging Fire”
“Hanging Fire” by Audre Lorde is a powerful and poignant poem that captures the internal turmoil of a fourteen‑year‑old girl. It is a raw, honest portrayal of adolescence, filled with anxieties about identity, body image, unrequited love, and a longing for understanding. The poem is not a narrative with a clear plot; instead, it is a stream of consciousness, a collection of fragmented thoughts and questions that mirror the chaotic emotional landscape of a young teenager. The central idea revolves around the feeling of being unseen and unheard, a sense of being “in limbo” – hence the title – caught between childhood and adulthood, with a haunting awareness of mortality.
A Note on the Title
The phrase “hanging fire” has a specific meaning, and it refers to an unexploded shell in a gun. In the context of the poem, it suggests a state of suspended animation, an unresolved tension, or a threat that looms, unresolved. The girl’s anxieties and fears are the ‘unexploded shells’ hanging in the air, not yet fully realized or addressed.
In-Depth Analysis of the Poem
Stanza One: Self‑Consciousness and Longing
The poem begins immediately with the speaker’s age and a powerful statement about her skin “betraying” her. This is not simply about physical appearance; it is about feeling insecure and judged. The line suggests a disconnect between her inner self and how she is perceived by others. The following lines introduce the speaker’s immature crush, highlighting the contrast between her developing emotions and the boy’s childish behavior. This creates a sense of disillusionment. The questions about ashy knees and the fear of dying before morning are jarringly juxtaposed, revealing a young mind grappling with both superficial concerns and existential anxieties. The repeating line, “and momma’s in the bedroom with the door closed,” is particularly significant. It represents emotional distance and a lack of maternal support, a common theme throughout the poem. The closed door symbolizes a barrier to communication and comfort. Consider this line: “what if I die before morning”. This is not necessarily a literal fear of immediate death but a metaphor for the feeling of being emotionally extinguished or overlooked.
Stanza Two: Expectations and Internal Conflict
This stanza focuses on the pressure to conform and the speaker’s internal conflict. The need to learn to dance “in time for the next party” represents the expectation to fit in and perform for others. The speaker contemplates her own mortality, imagining the sad melodies that would be sung at her funeral, yet also expressing a desire for honesty, for people to “tell the truth about me.” The lines “There is nothing I want to do and too much that has to be done” perfectly encapsulate the apathy and overwhelm often experienced during adolescence. The conflicting desires—a lack of motivation and a sense of obligation—create a feeling of being trapped. Again, the concluding line reinforces the theme of maternal absence and emotional neglect.
Stanza Three: Invisibility and Unfairness
The final stanza emphasizes the speaker’s feelings of invisibility and unfairness. The lines about the Math Team demonstrate a sense of injustice—she was capable but overlooked, perhaps because of gender expectations. The question, “why do I have to be the one wearing braces?”, is not simply about orthodontics; it is about feeling singled out and self‑conscious. The repetition of “I have nothing to wear tomorrow” and the final question, “will I live long enough to grow up?” highlight the speaker’s anxieties about the future and her fear of not being able to navigate the challenges of adulthood. The concluding line serves as a haunting refrain, underscoring the persistent emotional distance between the speaker and her mother.
Literary Devices in “Hanging Fire”
Lorde skillfully employs various literary devices to create a powerful and emotionally resonant poem.
- Assonance: The repetition of vowel sounds within words, such as the short ‘e’ in “before graduation,” creates a musical effect and emphasizes certain phrases.
- Alliteration: The repetition of consonant sounds at the beginning of words, like the “m” in “my marks,” adds emphasis and rhythm.
- Consonance: The repetition of consonant sounds within words, such as the “t” in “There is nothing I want to do,” creates a subtle musical effect and connects ideas.
- Enjambment: This is the continuation of a sentence or phrase from one line to the next without a pause. For example, “I have nothing to wear tomorrow / will I live long enough / to grow up” creates a sense of breathless urgency and mirrors the speaker’s anxious thoughts.
- Irony: There is a subtle irony in the contrast between the seriousness of the speaker’s anxieties and the seemingly mundane concerns about appearance and social acceptance.
- Imagery: Lorde uses vivid imagery to create a strong emotional impact. Phrases like “skin has betrayed me” and “ashy knees” evoke powerful feelings of insecurity and vulnerability.
- Symbolism: The closed bedroom door serves as a potent symbol of emotional distance and lack of communication.
Poetic Devices in “Hanging Fire”
- Free Verse: The poem is written in free verse, meaning it does not follow a strict rhyme scheme or meter. This allows the language to flow naturally and reflect the speaker’s stream of consciousness.
- Repetition: The recurring line, “and momma’s in the bedroom with the door closed,” functions as a refrain, emphasizing the theme of maternal absence and emotional distance.
- Refrain: As noted above, the repetition of the line creates a musical quality and reinforces the poem’s central theme.
- Stanza: The poem is divided into three stanzas, each with a different number of lines, which contributes to the poem’s free‑flowing and fragmented structure.
Quotes for Discussion
The following lines are particularly effective for prompting discussion about the poem’s themes:
“what if I die before morning”
“and momma’s in the bedroom with the door closed.”
“I should have been on Math Team / my marks were better than his”
“Hanging Fire” is a powerful and moving poem that continues to resonate with readers because of its honesty, vulnerability, and universal themes. It is a testament to Audre Lorde’s skill as a poet and her ability to capture the complexities of the human experience.