My Father’s Sadness
By Shirley Geok-lin Lim
My father’s sadness appears in my dreams.
His young body is dying of responsibility.
So many men and women march out of his mouth
each time he opens his heart for fullness,
he is shot down; so many men and women
like dragons’ teeth rising in the instance
of his lifetime. He is an oriental. He claims
paternity. But in his dreams he is a young body
with only his life before him.My father’s sadness masks my face. It is hard
to see through his tears, his desires drum in my chest.
I tense like a young man with a full moon
and no woman in sight. My father broke
with each child, finer and finer, the clay
of his body crumbling to a drizzle of silicone
in the hour-glass. How hard it is
to be a father, a bull under the axle,
the mangrove netted by lianas, the host
perishing of its lavishness.
Summary of My Father’s Sadness
- The Essence of the Poem: Shirley Geok-lin Lim’s “My Father’s Sadness” is a poignant exploration of the burdens of fatherhood and the silent sacrifices made by a parent striving to provide for his family. The poem delves into the emotional toll this takes, not just on the father, but also on the observing daughter—the speaker. It is a meditation on responsibility, desire, and the slow erosion of self.
- Central Idea & Themes: At its heart, the poem examines the conflict between personal desire and familial duty. The father’s “sadness” is not merely a personal feeling but a consequence of the weight of expectation and the constant giving of himself to others. Key themes include the loss of self in parenthood, the expectations placed upon fathers, and the intergenerational transmission of burdens.
- Understanding the Context: Lim, as a writer, often explores themes of identity, immigration, and the complexities of family relationships, particularly within Asian American contexts. “My Father’s Sadness” reflects this exploration, offering a nuanced portrait of a father navigating cultural expectations and personal longings.
In-Depth Analysis of “My Father’s Sadness”
Exploring the Opening Lines: The Weight of Responsibility
The poem immediately establishes a dreamlike, introspective tone with the line “My father’s sadness appears in my dreams.” This sets the stage for a psychological exploration rather than a straightforward narrative. The phrase “His young body is dying of responsibility” is striking—it is a metaphorical death, a gradual erosion of vitality caused by the demands of providing for his family. This is not a physical illness but a spiritual and emotional one. Notice the personification of responsibility; it is presented as a force actively causing harm.
The Image of “Marching” People: A Loss of Self
The lines “So many men and women march out of his mouth / each time he opens his heart for fullness” are particularly evocative. This imagery suggests that the father’s energy, resources, and even his very essence are being continually depleted by the needs of others. Each attempt to connect, to provide, leads to a further draining of his vitality. The “marching” suggests a relentless, unstoppable outflow, highlighting the continuous nature of his sacrifice.
“Shot Down” and “Dragon’s Teeth”: Confronting Harsh Reality
The phrase “he is shot down” is a powerful metaphor for the emotional and psychological toll this takes. It suggests vulnerability and a lack of protection. The comparison to “dragons’ teeth rising in the instance / of his lifetime” is particularly striking. Dragons’ teeth, sharp and dangerous, symbolize the harsh realities of life and the people who contribute to his suffering. It is as if the very act of providing for his family brings forth obstacles and challenges. This imagery also subtly hints at cultural expectations and societal pressures.
The Dichotomy of Dream and Reality: Yearning for a Lost Self
The lines “He is an oriental. He claims / paternity. But in his dreams he is a young body / with only his life before him” reveal a profound internal conflict. The acknowledgement of his cultural identity is followed by a glimpse into his deepest desires. In his dreams, he is freed from the burdens of responsibility and can reclaim the carefree youth he once knew. This contrast underscores the weight of expectation and the sacrifices he’s made. The dream represents a longing for a lost self, a yearning for a life unburdened by duty.
The Second Stanza: A Daughter’s Perspective and Shared Pain
The second stanza shifts the focus to the speaker, the daughter, and her experience of her father’s sadness. “My father’s sadness masks my face” suggests that his pain is not separate from hers; it is interwoven with her own identity. She feels his sadness as if it were her own, hinting at a complex and emotionally charged relationship. The line “his desires drum in my chest” is particularly powerful, suggesting an empathetic connection and an awareness of his unspoken longings.
Simile and Tension: A Young Man’s Unfulfilled Desire
The simile “I tense like a young man with a full moon / and no woman in sight” introduces a subtle parallel between the father and daughter. Both experience a sense of unfulfilled desire. The full moon often symbolizes passion and longing, but the absence of a woman suggests frustration and unfulfilled potential. This connection further emphasizes the intergenerational transmission of sadness and unfulfilled desires.
The Crumbling Clay: Physical and Emotional Decay
The image of the father “breaking / with each child, finer and finer, the clay / of his body crumbling to a drizzle of silicone” is a powerful metaphor for the slow erosion of his vitality. Clay, once malleable and strong, becomes increasingly fragile with each division. The transition to “silicone” introduces a sense of artificiality and loss of naturalness, suggesting that something essential has been lost in the process of parenthood. The “drizzle” emphasizes the gradual, almost imperceptible nature of this decay.
Concluding Metaphors: Burden, Entrapment, and Self‑Sacrifice
The concluding lines: “How hard it is / to be a father, a bull under the axle, / the mangrove netted by lianas, the host / perishing of its lavishness” offer a series of striking metaphors for the father’s plight. The “bull under the axle” is burdened with a heavy load, while the “mangrove netted by lianas” is entangled and restricted. The “host perishing of its lavishness” is a particularly poignant image, suggesting that the father’s generosity and self‑sacrifice are ultimately destroying him. These metaphors collectively convey the immense weight of responsibility and the tragic consequences of self‑neglect.
Literary and Poetic Devices in “My Father’s Sadness”
- Imagery: The poem is rich in vivid imagery—“crumbling clay,” “dragons’ teeth,” “mangrove netted by lianas”—that creates a strong emotional impact.
- Metaphor and Simile: The poem relies heavily on metaphor and simile to convey complex emotions and ideas. The father is compared to a bull, a mangrove, and a host, each image highlighting a different aspect of his plight.
- Symbolism: The clay symbolizes the father’s body and vitality, while the dragons’ teeth symbolize societal pressures.
- Free Verse: The poem is written in free verse, allowing for a natural and conversational tone. This lack of formal structure reinforces the intimacy and emotional honesty of the poem.
- Enjambment: The use of enjambment—lines running on without punctuation—creates a sense of flow and momentum, mirroring the relentless nature of the father’s burdens.
“My Father’s Sadness” is a deeply moving poem that offers a nuanced and empathetic portrayal of fatherhood, sacrifice, and the enduring impact of societal expectations. It is a testament to Shirley Geok-lin Lim’s skill as a poet and her ability to explore complex emotional landscapes with sensitivity and insight.