Understanding “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”
“Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” is a proverb suggesting that being away from someone you love intensifies feelings of affection. It offers a comforting thought: distance does not diminish love but can strengthen it. The proverb implies that appreciation for someone deepens when they are not present, allowing us to recognize their value more fully. It is a sentiment that resonates across cultures and has been expressed in various forms for centuries.
Origin of “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”
The roots of this familiar phrase stretch back to ancient times. A precursor appears in the elegies of Sextus Propertius, a Roman poet writing around 16 BC, who wrote, “To absent lovers love’s tide flows stronger.” This early expression captures the core idea that separation can heighten affection. The wording we recognize today began to take shape much later.
The first documented appearance of the modern proverb, though slightly altered, is found in The Pocket Magazine of Classic and Polite Literature in 1832: “’Tis absence, however, that makes the heart grow fonder.” Its widespread popularity is largely attributed to Thomas William Robertson’s 1867 play, Caste: An Original Comedy in Three Acts, where he wrote, “Absence makes the heart grow stronger.” Finally, Arthur Gillespie’s song, published shortly after the play, solidified the phrase in its current form, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” cementing it in the popular lexicon.
Analyzing “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” in Literature
The proverb’s enduring appeal stems from its universal truth—that we often do not fully appreciate what we have until it is gone. This concept is frequently explored in literature, often with nuanced interpretations. Authors employ the proverb not just as a simple declaration of love, but as a lens through which to examine complex relationships, regret, and the human condition.
Example #1: “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” by Harley White
Out of sight is out of mind…
Fly‑by‑nights say so, although
Multitudes of people find
That distance makes the missing grow.When united heart to heart,
Couples amorous concur
Neither wants to be apart
From one another, him or her.Husbands, wives, all those who share
Timeless vows— not to squander—
Know that, if they truly care,
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.Love should not be thought of tritely
Or be crushed by grasping tightly.
It’s a feeling honored rightly.
Lovers never take it lightly.Poets, songsters through the ages,
Dramatists for scenic stages,
Novelists, the saints, and sages
Have devoted endless pages…Yet still in bemusement ponder
Why— their flights of wonder wander
High above love’s bluest yonder—
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Harley White’s poem directly engages with the proverb, framing it as a truth recognized by “poets, songsters through the ages.” The poem emphasizes that true love is not diminished by distance but rather strengthened. White uses the proverb as both a title and refrain, reinforcing its central message. The poem’s structure and repetition create a lyrical affirmation of the phrase.
Example #2: “Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder” by Harry Warren and Joe Young (sung by Dean Martin)
If you should leave me
I know it would grieve me
So honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody elseI love you dearly
I’m yours sincerely
But honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody elseWhen the cat’s away the mice will play
I don’t say I will but still I may
I may be blue away from you
And then again I may be gayWhen I get fretful I get forgetful
So honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody elseWhen the cat’s away the mice will play
I don’t say I will but still I may
I may be blue away from you
And then again I may be gayWhen I get fretful I get forgetful
So honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody else
For somebody else
This song cleverly subverts the proverb. While the lyrics repeat “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” they are framed with the caveat “for somebody else.” This creates a playful tension, suggesting that while absence might deepen feelings, those feelings are not necessarily directed toward the person who is absent. The song explores the complexities of desire and the potential for infidelity, offering a cynical twist on the traditional meaning.
Example #3: “Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” by Emily Zola
Emily Zola’s story, titled “Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder,” offers a poignant counterexample to the proverb. Jacques Damour, separated from his wife by war, returns home only to find she has remarried. The story demonstrates that while absence can intensify feelings, it can also lead to disconnection and the loss of love. Zola’s narrative serves as a cautionary tale, highlighting the importance of maintaining connection and communication, rather than relying on the assumption that absence will automatically strengthen a bond. The story underscores that the proverb is not universally true—circumstances and individual choices play a crucial role.
Beyond Romance: Broader Applications of the Phrase
While often associated with romantic love, the sentiment behind “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” can apply to various relationships and experiences. It can describe the longing for a hometown after moving away, the renewed appreciation for a friend after a period of separation, or even the nostalgic fondness for a past era. It speaks to the human tendency to idealize what is lost or distant. It is a reminder that sometimes, a little space can allow us to recognize the true value of people and things in our lives.
However, it’s important to remember that absence doesn’t guarantee stronger feelings. Maintaining connection through communication, shared experiences, and mutual effort is vital for nurturing relationships. The proverb should not be used as a passive justification for neglecting loved ones, but rather as a reminder to cherish and appreciate them before distance intervenes.